Kristi Muszik I am lying on my brown couch in my non-matching comfy outfit of blue sweats and purple socks, snuggled up in a red blanket, reading a novel from the library. – I get most of my novel readings through the library to save tons of money, though I have a few classics in my library and ones I collected or were given to me in my teen years when I was a voracious reader – I realized that I grew up with a love-hate relationship with letters that forms into words.
I enjoyed letters forming into words, words forming into sentences, sentences forming into paragraphs, and paragraphs covering a blank page, making it come alive with a story that I can play out on the stage of my imagination.
I didn’t enjoy the struggles of sounding out letters to form words through my lips to make sentences into the air around me, making paragraphs to the ears of the listeners as it all fumbled out in a mumble-jumble configuration.
The sanguine personality in me growing up didn’t stop me from talking, even through my messy, twisted tongue of mine, trying to pronounce letters that I couldn’t understand clearly because my impaired ears couldn’t distinguish the sounds, making it difficult for me to project words clearly into ears of others.
I was born with the umbilical cord wrapping itself around my tender throat, taking what little oxygen I receive from the source of my mother, causing some damage to my hearing function of the brain.
I would get frustrated listening to a precious soul talk, and some of those letters in the word go missing. You know, the letters with the hard and soft sounds, like it’s, c’s, k’s, b’s, d’s, z’s.
I do not hear the differences between them and others’ sounds of r’s and w’s and between ch’s and sh’s. And the list could go on and on.
And the precious souls would get frustrated with me in return for me asking them to repeat what they had just said.
It was a disheartening recycle.
It was much easier for my intellect to see words of what people were saying with my eyes instead of hearing them with my ears.
Through the struggles I had with letters, I found myself deciding to hate writing.
I enjoyed reading because I got to enjoy the fruit of someone else’s labor of putting their thoughts into words on paper and understanding each letter’s sounds and meanings.
I struggled with transforming words floating in my mind into paper.
When I embraced the process of going from mind to paper, I got stopped by my frustration of putting all the letters that belong in the word together as I wasn’t sure what exact letters were needed.
I would try to pronounce a word I wanted, but it would come out all twisted up, and it was time-consuming looking for it in the dictionary as I was trying to figure out which letters they were.
On top of that, the struggles with pronunciation affected my grammar abilities. I was great with spelling, as I had a phenomenal memory, but the discouragement of Grammar took a toll on me.
So, I hated writing and avoided it as much as possible.
I wrote very little but read very much.
I wrote little notes and a to-do list out of necessity but didn’t go any further and only used minimal, easy words.
I had several journals on my bookshelves that were given to me but stayed empty with no words, not fulfilling their destiny of capturing people’s thoughts into words to be read later.
Years ago, I received some prophetic words that they saw me speaking and writing, and my thoughts were, right, how can that happen? Do you realize the struggles I have endured with my speaking and writing?
There are countless stories of how God has taken someone’s weakness and used it to set others free. For example, Gideon, we read in Judges chapters 6 through 8.
Gideon, when visited by an angel and the angel saying to him, “O brave man.” And told him to rescue Israel out of Midian’s hands.
Gideon responds, “How am I to rescue Israel? My family is the least (significant), and I am the youngest in my father’s house.”
The Lord answered him, “I will certainly be with you, and you will strike down the Midianites.”
The Lord will take our weakness and turn it into strength to be used by Him and through His Glory.
The Lord will take the very thing that Satan has tried to destroy in our lives, heal it, and use it for His Glory to set others free.
I was encouraged by my parents when they listened to me speak at a six-week bible study I did.
My dad commented on my excellent writing skills, and my mom – with tears in her eyes – realized that through all the difficulties I endured growing up, I had overcome them and could speak clearly while teaching.
Through their encouragement and my husband’s encouragement, I overcame this love-hate relationship with words.
Through all the insecurities about my Grammar, fear of rejection, and the uncomfortableness of my battle with words, I chose to be persistent and look at words through fearless eyes and started writing.
Through my determination to write, I have started to enjoy writing.
I have ordered some homeschool High School textbooks on GrammarGrammar to learn some skills, and I am enjoying every moment.
My Dearest friend, what hate-love relationship do you have in your life that hinders you from fulfilling your purpose?
What is something in your life you would think can never be used for God’s Glory?
What would you rather forget and never focus on again, but the Holy Spirit has been nudging you to focus on and follow through with overcoming it?
