Kristi Muszik Self
Looking into the horror of self has been transpiring in my life.
The Lord has been speaking my heart about denying self.
In the last couple of weeks, everywhere I turn around, there has been a teaching of dying to self and surrendering to the Lord.
In time past, there were moments my face would be down on the floor, tears streaming down my face, and a heart cry pouring through my lips -words offered up to our Beloved Father from a desire to deny self and surrender more of oneself to Him.
I am willing to be a vessel for Him to show His Glory through the plans and purpose He had destined for me before creation.
This time around, there are no emotions attached to a decision that needs to be made — only staring into the eyes of self.
It’s to a point where I wonder if I still have any emotions or if something is wrong with me because I am not displaying many emotions like in the past.
I have concluded that, no, there isn’t anything wrong with me, and I still have emotions.
I believe this time is of hard facts, decision making, and the emotions will follow later.
Lord brought to my attention.
The Lord has shown me how I have made food – choosing unhealthy choices after He has talked to me about making healthy choices – more important than Him.
Again, it’s what I want, what makes me feel good — it’s all about self.
I have spent precious time watching movies and reading novels than spending it in His presence and His Word.
Yes, there is nothing wrong with movies and novels as long as they aren’t speaking and writing against God’s word, and yes, I have been spending time in His presence and His word.
But He has been wooing me to spend more time with Him and in His word.
Instead, I have been living more for Kristi than more for Him.
I know what it’s like to be in His presence and spend time in His word anywhere from two to eight hours a day, and I have deviated from it.
It’s time for me to move back into fellowship with Him more, for it’s in Him where I will find contentment, knowing I am walking into the purpose He has called me to live.
Another form of Self.
I have made statements about how I want to see the signs and wonders of the Lord moving in my life.
I want to see the dead rise and see miraculous miracles happen in the lives around me. I experience the supernatural everywhere I go.
Have you ever made those kinds of statements? There is nothing wrong with those statements; it’s the heart attitude. Why do you want to see those things? For your glory or God’s glory?
The words of I and I – I want to do this, and I want to do that. My beloved faith sister brought to my attention how it’s still a form of self.
She got me thinking on another level of denying self.
There is nothing wrong with those things, and they are great desires. But It’s all about what the Lord does and how He wants to move through us as surrender vessels.
Would we be content flowing with the direction of the Lord? Even if it means praying in our prayer closet for eight hours as He directs us.
Will we find complete contentment by building our relationship with Him instead of focusing on the supernatural?
Or, would we find ourselves having something so concrete in our mind of what we expect, causing us to deviate from His purpose into our plans?
As we surrender our hearts to Him, trusting Him to move through us as a willing vessel, He will put His desires in us, making them known.
His desires in us will be things that we can’t do without Him. We will have to be in total reliance on Him.
Now, it’s No longer about me but what you, Lord, want to do, regardless of whether I want to.
It’s about walking in obedience to God’s word.
My emotions finally followed suit
A few days later – after staring into the eyes of hard facts- sitting in church, we sang a song about laying oneself down for the Lord.
I felt tears pooling in my eyes, then quietly stream down my face as my heart cried out to the Lord with delight for my emotions, finally lining up with my decision to fully surrender.
Decisions and experiences become stronger, embedded in us deeper when our emotions come. We make decisions based on God’s word regardless of our emotions, and our feelings will align with our choices, becoming more authentic in our hearts.
Our greatest example.
Jesus is our most significant example of denying self.
He denied himself and followed God’s heart by leaving His divinity and becoming a man.
How grateful I am for Him doing so. Because of His doing so, He has brought redemption to humankind.
Will we follow Jesus’ example and God’s heart, living out His purpose and plans?
Will we deny ourselves, in total surrender, allowing God to move through our vessel?
What would be our world if Jesus hadn’t denied Himself?
What will our lives be if we deny ourselves and fully surrender?
Denying self is a daily surrender decision, presenting ourselves to the Lord’s command.
