Finding a spouse is a natural desire for most of us, as there is a desire to have a companion to go through life. We see it in the Bible; God created us in His image to have fellowship with, Gen. 1:27. Eve was created for Adam as a companion of a helpmate, Gen. 2:22. Two are better than one… Eccles. 4:9-12.

Here are some steps I took while I was looking for a spouse:

1. Being Content While Being Single

I aggressively pursued a profoundly intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father and precious Jesus. As I was developing my relationship with Jesus, I came into a position where I chose to be content with being single and never marrying. I had to go to a place where I was confident in who I am in Christ, and I didn’t need anyone else to make me happy or meet my needs. I only need Jesus to meet all my needs and make a choice to be a happy person in whatever circumstances I am.

2. Write out the Vision

I spent quality time praying and writing a list of what I desired in a husband. I looked in the scriptures in the bible to back up the list of what I was looking for in a husband and a marriage. The Word of God is the final authority in my life, and whatever it says I can have, then I can have it. God’s Word doesn’t return in a void, and when we believe in anything, we need to find a scripture that speaks about what we believe in and use that scripture to stand and believe in the promise.

When I made the list of what I desired in a husband, I had to evaluate my life, looking at myself to see if I lined up with the list I wrote. I can’t expect someone else to be a specific character if I am unwilling to work on myself to project the same roles. It also helps evaluate yourself to make any adjustment of growth in your own life. Because you attract what you are, not what you want if you’re going to draw a healthy, mentally and emotionally, and godly person. It would help if you were strong, healthy, mentally, emotionally, and godly. I listened to Darren Hardy a few months ago, and he shared how he wrote out a list of desires in a wife – before he met his wife – and talked about the importance of being what you want.

3. Make a Vision Board

I was listening to Bro Jerry Savelle about the importance of keeping what you believe in before your eyes. When he considers an airplane, he will get a model of what he is believing for and place it in his office to keep before his eyes. I learned this before I became familiar with Terri Savelle Foy Ministries, which talks about dreams and vision, and I have gained a greater understanding of the importance of Visions. I wanted to use a picture of a man but didn’t want a picture of a stranger, so I took a picture of one of my spiritual fathers and his wife, placed it in a frame, and put it on my dresser as a reminder daily to pray for my future husband. I use the scripture Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 as my prayer.

4. Ask God About Your Future Spouse

I would ask God to show me about my husband. When I went to bed at night, I asked him to give me dreams about my husband. It didn’t happen immediately, but I stayed consistent every night asking. And I did have several dreams about my husband before I met him.

The first dream, or more accurately, a vision in my heart, as I was awake and not asleep. I didn’t see it with my eyes but within my heart or mind. Sitting in church, I saw my future husband washing my feet, like how Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. My husband did the first time we saw each other; we met on eharmony and built a long-distance friendship for four months before we met face to face; he was living in Sharon, PA, and I was in Redmond, OR. Joe had no idea about my vision. He only knew that the Lord was placing it on his heart for a couple of weeks before we saw each other to wash my feet. When he washed my feet, I knew that he was the man God had for me.

The second one, I dreamed of my husband in a music band. So, I first thought that maybe he was part of a music band, but I came later to understand it wasn’t him being part of a music band, but his last name. Muszik. In the third dream, the name Joseph came so vividly to me. So, can you guess what my husband’s name is, Joseph K Muszik.

There were other dreams that were speaking to me regarding what our marriage would be. The Lord also told me my husband wouldn’t be what I expected. He wasn’t in the aspect of his physical stature and age, but I wouldn’t change anything about him.

5. Ask God to Guide Your Steps

I asked God to help me and guide my steps. God can move mountains to get two people together that need to be together. I also prayed against any distractions from the enemy that would be used to deviate my attention from the one God has for me and focus on the wrong individual. God put on my heart to join Harmony, and that’s how I met my husband. God can tell you to go somewhere or do something that will lead the two of you to meet.

6. A Supernatural Peace When You Meet Your Spouse

There is a supernatural peace when you meet the one God has designed for you. There wasn’t peace with my first marriage, and I knew in my spirit that I wasn’t supposed to marry him. After the divorce, before meeting my husband now, I met a couple of guys over coffee and online. Still, there wasn’t peace, and there was this need to be aggressive with the relationship out of fear of not having anyone, which can be a red flag. When I met my husband now, I was so at rest with God and knew without a doubt that he was the one. If you ever fear you won’t take the person because there isn’t another, that’s a big red flag. Your heart and contentment need to be in Jesus, and you trust Him to guide and put the relationship together.

7. During Your Courtship

During my courtship with my husband, before we married, I would keep my heart in Jesus and would pray daily for anything that was hidden in his life to be exposed. I would also pray for my eyes to be enlightened to see anything in his life that isn’t healthy and any area in our relationship that I am blinded. 

Seek counsel from those who speak into your life, like specific family members, pastors, and close confidential friends.

Take time; you don’t need to rush into things, even if you sense without a doubt that this is the one for you. It doesn’t hurt to allow time to confirm what you sense in your heart before you commit to marriage.

During our courtship, we prayed together. We prayed every morning and every night by phone. We discussed what the Lord has put on our hearts to accomplish on this earth. We talked about our dreams. We talked about our beliefs regarding the Word of God. We discussed everything necessary in our lives and didn’t compromise our beliefs.

I encourage you to build your relationship with Jesus more intimately and be content where you are. Trust Him through it all, and don’t compromise your beliefs or morals due to fear.

We all have our unique story of Finding Our Spouse, but I believe these seven steps can transpire in any story.